I’ve been having one of those days today. The snow blower wouldn’t start so I am out there shoveling snow while my husband mends the snow blower. It’s the day after that heavy snowfall – we had 16 inches round our way. I hear the front door open (must oil it) and there is my four year old daughter. Naked. “MUUUUMMMM – the cat’s on the table!” “Push her off the table” I yell back, still shoveling. The snow blower finally starts so I start to scrape snow off my husband’s car. The front door opens again. “MUMMM.” It’s my five year old daughter, naked except for a baby blanket around her, nappy style. “I’m a baby penguin with a stinky-winky nappy!” “Okay baby penguin, I’ll change you in a moment. Go eat your fish!” I yell back, wondering whether the neighbours are catching this.
Our young cats are delighted I am wearing jeans, as it is easier to climb up my legs while I prepare their food. I quickly clean the litter tray while the cats eat. I’m not fast enough. One cat leaps onto my back (must get their claws trimmed) while the other cat sits down in the litter tray to watch me. Great, I have helpers! “MUUMMMMM” – two voices from two bathrooms “I’m having a poooooo” yells one daughter, “I need toilet paper” yells the other. I ignore one and take a new toilet roll to the other. I find the remnants of the old toilet roll shredded and scattered around the bathroom. The cats killed it. I return to the litter tray to find both cats sitting in it now. I wonder at what stage motherhood stops revolving around poo.
I need to make some phone calls so I hide and let the four horrors cope by themselves for a bit. All is suspiciously quiet when I emerge. My living room is littered with toys, the girls are nowhere to be seen. The cats are asleep in a closet (WHO LEFT THAT DOOR OPEN?). I know that less noise usually means more mischief, and the girls are playing quietly upstairs. I can’t find anything wrong, but I know something naughty has been done – it’s an instinct.
The kids are in bed, the cats are asleep, the house is peaceful. My eye is suddenly drawn to a toy dolphin taped to the wall … about 7ft up the wall. There’s going to be trouble in the morning!